


Remember You're Loved

by Copperstown



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, Multi, References to Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 17:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Copperstown/pseuds/Copperstown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a student at McKinley tries to commit suicide, Figgins hauls Will aside get him to talk to the glee club about it. Because everyone knows that those kids are the ones most likely to have considered suicide.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember You're Loved

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before "On My Way" was shown, so this was my headcanon before that episode. My current headcanon is quite a bit different. Also there's talk of suicide, but it's not heavy (although I don't know if I'd call it light, either). It takes place some time in season 3, around the middle.
> 
> Title is from _The Messenger_ by Linkin Park.

When Figgins pulls Will into his office, Will doesn't think too much about it, not even when Figgins looks both worried and upset, and usually, whatever problem he has to talk to Will about doesn't make him look worried, never mind upset. But still, Will has trouble deciphering Figgins and his moods, so he doesn't think there's anything too serious ahead of him in that office. However, he soon finds out that he is very, **very** wrong.

One of the Sophomores has tried to commit suicide. A fifteen years old girl named Juliana Barnes, who is currently in a coma at the Allen County Central Hospital, after swallowing nearly an entire bottle of sleeping pills. She tried to kill herself after her best and only friend, a fifteen years old Carmel High School student named Kevin Spade succeeded in killing himself by slitting his wrists. He had already been dead when he was found, locked in his bedroom. He had left a very short note on his parents' bed. Juliana's note had only said, _I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry._ , and had been left on her desk.

After Will gets over the shock of hearing that a student has tried to kill herself, and the sadness that floods through him both at that and the news of a successful teenage suicide, he can't help but frown and ask Figgins why he's telling him all this.

"William," Figgins starts, and he looks a little nervous, which only makes Will frown harder. "I don't think it's any secret that the kids in your glee club are… they aren't exactly popular. For some of them it's worse than it is for the rest, and it's been going on longer. Just last year, one of your students transferred schools because he was afraid of being here. We've tried to stop the bullying that goes on here, but nobody ever comes forward with it, and when they do, it can never be proven. It's a problem, especially because bullying is a major factor in why teenager try to kill themselves."

"I get all this, but why are you telling **just** me?" Will asks. "Why not the rest of the teachers?"

"Juliana's parents don't want the school to make a big fuss about her suicide attempt, but I want to take this opportunity to talk to the students about teenage suicide," Figgins says, as if it's supposed to be an answer to Will's question. It's not, really, but Will remains patient. "And I'd like your glee club to perform a number that talks about this issue."

"Okay," Will says, because it makes enough sense for him to go with it. "I'll see what I can do."

"William, I'm not finished," Figgins says, and Will tenses. "Some of the members of your club are, or have been, the most unpopular and most bullied students at this school. Which means that they are the ones most likely to have thought about suicide."

Will freezes. A chill runs down his spine, his eyes widen, and his jaw drops.

"I don't think so," he says.

"But I do," Figgins says. "Kurt Hummel was bullied so badly he had to transfer, and we don't know what went on inside his head before he left. Rachel Berry has always been ridiculed. Arthur Abrams is paralyzed from the waist down, so he most certainly hasn't always had an easy time. Every single member of the glee club gets slushied at least once a week. Other kids are tormented, yes, but yours definitely are as well."

"Still, that doesn't mean they've thought about something as drastic as suicide," Will counters, but the thought is already growing in his head. With all that the glee kids have been through, it actually wouldn't come as a huge surprise to anyone if they had thought about offing themselves. At least a few of them.

"I want you to talk to them," Figgins says, and his voice doesn't leave much room for argument. Then again, this is a very serious subject. "They have a bond with you, so unlike a lot of the other kids at this school, they'll be more open and willing to talk with you about this. And if they have thought about suicide, I want you to make sure they don't think about it anymore. I don't want any other kids to try that. Juliana was more than enough. So if any of them are willing to, maybe you could get them to hold a speech about it. No pressure, I assure you."

"O-okay," Will stutters out and leaves the office.

He knows that there's a very serious possibility that some of his kids have thought about suicide. Some of them have very possibly felt that horrible, have sunk that low, hit rock bottom with their lives. He knows this, but he really doesn't want to face it. They all seem happy now. Nothing suspicious there. But that doesn't mean that there hasn't been unhappy times for all of them, or at least some of them.

Will is considerably distracted the rest of the day, as the thoughts manifest and grow. He lets his students do simple tasks that don't really require his attention, let them out early, and when he finally gets to glee practice, he knows that he has to ask.

They're all sitting in their usual pairs and orders. Mike and Tina are practically glued to each other's side, as they sit in the back row, a little to the side, and Mike has an arm around Tina's shoulders, the fingers of his free hand entwined with hers. Finn and Rachel are holding hands as well, pressed together in the front row, next to Rory and Sam. Puck is a little off to the side of the first row with Quinn and Artie. Brittany and Santana are sitting just behind Puck and Quinn, talking with the latter, while Puck and Artie talk. Sugar is sort of in the middle of the middle row, looking as ditzy as ever as she files her nails. Mike and Tina are joined on the back row by Mercedes, Kurt and Blaine, and the two boys are sitting very close, but not actually touching, not as close as Mike and Tina, or Finn and Rachel.

Will grabs one of the tall stools from the side of them room and sit down in front of the group.

"Alright guys," he says, and they all quiet down and look at him. "I was called into Principal Figgins' office earlier today."

"Why?" Finn asks.

"You're the first students to hear this, and please don't tell anyone else," Will says, and he knows it's not an answer, but he figures it would be best just to start at the beginning and explain everything. "One of the Sophomore students, Juliana Barnes… she, uh, she tried to kill herself yesterday."

"Oh my god," Mercedes says.

"Is she okay?" Tina asks, voice full of concern.

"She swallowed nearly an entire bottle of sleeping pills. She's in a coma," Will replies. "Her best friend, who's a Carmel student, very recently succeeded in killing himself."

"Oh god," Quinn mumbles. She looks a little sick.

"Figgins wants us to perform a number at assembly on Friday, that talks about suicide," Will continues. "That's one of the reasons why he hauled me into his office, but there's another reason as well, and… well, it's, uh, a little awkward, and very personal."

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," Rachel says immediately. It makes Will smile briefly, but the smile quickly disappears again, because this is not a conversation that calls for smiles.

"It's not personal for me," he says. "It's personal for you guys."

They all look very surprised. Sugar puts down her nail file and frowns instead.

"What do you mean?" Puck asks.

"Look, we all know that you guys don't exactly have it easy here," Will says evasively. "The slushies, the locker slams, I mean, we all remember what happened when it got too bad for Kurt here."

All eyes turn to Kurt for a moment. Rory and Sugar look confused, but Will doesn't want to explain it to the two of them, not right now. The rest of them looks sympathetic. Blaine leans in a little closer and brushes his shoulder against Kurt's, and it makes Kurt's lips quirk upwards just slightly, which makes the rest of them focus back on Will. "And Figgins thought that some of you guys might have…" he trails off.

"Might have what?" Santana asks. Will takes a deep breath and eyes them all.

"I want an honest answer from all of you," he says sternly. "Have any of you ever thought about committing suicide?"

The silence that rests in the choir room is heavy and thick enough that it could be cut with a spoon. Eyes flicker everywhere. They all look at each other, the floor, Will. They all look shocked that he'd even ask the question, but he has to admit… some of them look like they've been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Or rather, with their hands on a bottle of pills.

"Mr. Schue, don't be silly," Rachel says, but she doesn't sound like she thinks it's silly. She sounds worried.

"There's nothing silly about this, Rachel," Will says. "I'd like to think that you all trust me and each other enough to tell me this. So if any of you have **ever** thought about killing yourself, then please. Raise your hand."

The silence is even heavier before, but they don't look quite as shocked. They look nervous, worried.

It doesn't really come as a surprise to Will when the first person raises a hand. It doesn't come as a surprise, but it makes him sad nonetheless. It almost hurt, because now he knows just how much they have hurt.

Kurt stares intently at a spot on the floor in front of Will's stool, biting his lip so harshly Will thinks he might draw blood, and slowly raises his hand. All eyes are on Kurt. Some of them look like they can't quite believe it. Finn and Mercedes look like that, Rachel looks like that. Some look like they'd had an inkling, but hadn't dared to actually believe it. Some look like they already knew. Blaine wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders, pulling him closer, and presses a kiss to Kurt's hair. Kurt leans into the touch, and with closed eyes and his forehead resting against Kurt's temple, Blaine raises his hand as well.

And Will isn't surprised at either of them.

Artie lifts his hand, picking at his pants with the other, eyes flicking all over the place. This seems to surprise a few more, and Puck reaches out like he wants to touch Artie, but then decides against it and lets his hand fall back to his lap. Then, in a move that surprises everyone, Puck lifts his hand again, rubbing the back of his neck before really raising it, just like Kurt, Blaine, and Artie. Quinn glances at him, and then she lifts her own hand. She looks both ashamed and defiant, like she doesn't feel she actually should be ashamed of having though about killing herself. Then Sam raises his hand as well, and Will can feel his heart break and crumble. He almost wants to cry. He can feel his eyes getting wet as the tears gather, but he doesn't actually cry. He wants to, though.

Six of his kids have thought about committing suicide. Six out of fifteen have thought about killing themselves.

"Have, um," Will starts shakily, and people lower their hands again. He decides to start somewhere else. "When was the last time you thought about it, Kurt?"

"A few weeks after I transferred to Dalton," Kurt says in a tiny voice, leaning further into Blaine, who tightens his grip on his boyfriend. Will almost doesn't catch Kurt's words, he's so quiet, but he does manage to hear it.

"What about you, Blaine?" he asks.

"It's been a couple of years. A few weeks after I transferred to Dalton, I think," Blaine replies, and his voice is louder and stronger than Kurt's.

"Artie?" Will asks.

"I haven't thought about killing myself for real since a few months after my accident," Artie replies. "I think I thought a little about it in my Freshman year, maybe a little last year. It's been a long time."

"Puck?" Will continues. Artie makes him feel a little better, because at least it hasn't been serious for Artie recently.

"When I was in juvie," Puck replies curtly, but he doesn't seem as badass as his attitude. "A little when I got out."

"And Quinn?"

"I last thought about it at the beginning of the school year," Quinn replies, and Will can't help but close his eyes and sigh. That's recent. That's very recent. And he has a sneaking suspicion that for Quinn, it started around the time she got pregnant. That would mean that it took Quinn two years to stop wanting to kill herself, on some level.

"Sam?"

"Last year. When Santana dumped me," and Sam sounds almost ashamed, but he keeps his voice at a level that means everyone can hear him. It's lower than his normal level, but not nearly as low as Kurt's.

"You got **that** upset just because I dumped you?" Santana asks incredulously.

"It wasn't just because you dumped me, it was a lot of things," Sam says defensively. "I'm just saying that's the last time I thought about it."

"Okay, now," Will says and takes a deep breath. He's not sure he wants the answer to his next question, but he has to ask it. He has to know. They're already knee-deep in this serious talk, people are already confessing, they've already started to pour their hearts out to each other. "Have any of you actually… actually **tried** to commit suicide?"

They're quiet and still, and the heavy, tense silence is back. Will almost gets his hopes up, but then Kurt raises his hand again. Finn looks absolutely crestfallen. Rachel squeezes his hand to comfort him, but she looks deeply upset as well. Blaine kisses Kurt's temple again, moving closer so Kurt is only a few inches from sitting in his lap. Santana looks shocked, like all her sarcasm and wit and bad attitude has suddenly left her and been replaced with utter shock. Puck looks guilty, and that only gets worse when Artie also raises his hand. Thankfully, no one else does.

"When, Kurt?" Will asks quietly. Kurt shifts uncomfortably, but he doesn't move away from Blaine. "How? Why?"

"First time was Freshman year," he starts, and Will's heart nearly stops when he realizes that _first_ time means Kurt has tried to kill himself more than once. "I tried to slit my wrists, but my dad found me and called an ambulance. I had been too scared to make a deep enough cut, and my hands were shaking too much, but I lost enough blood to pass out from it."

"Oh my god," Mercedes mumbles.

"You never told me," Finn says.

"It's not exactly a good ice breaker," Kurt says quietly. "It's not something I really like to talk about."

"When was the second time?" Puck asks, because he has, apparently, realized the same thing as Will.

"Last year," Kurt replies, his voice again so low that Will almost can't hear him. "Just before I transferred to Dalton, I tried to take an overdose of sleeping pills, but I started to regret it almost immediately, so I found my dad and told him, and he called an ambulance. I didn't even pass out until we arrived at the hospital. I hadn't taken enough for it to be fast working in any way. They pumped my stomach, I stayed the night for observation, and then I was allowed to go home the next morning."

"That was… why didn't you tell me?" Finn asks. "That must have been around the time mom and Burt got engaged. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was a few days before dad proposed, and I just… I didn't want to talk about it," Kurt sounds like he's on the verge of crying. He looks it, too.

"Blaine looks like he knows," Finn says. "If you could tell him, why not me?"

"We had a long chat very late one night about suicide," Blaine explains quietly. "Sort of swapping horror stories."

Finn looks like he's about to say more, but Will interrupts. "What about you, Artie?" he asks.

"A couple of months after my accident," Artie says. He sounds a lot more comfortable talking about it than Kurt, but then again, it'd probably been for very different reasons, and a long time ago. "I still hadn't gotten used to the chair, and I hadn't gotten my head around the fact that I would never walk again, and one night, it just got too much, and I tried to cut my wrists. I didn't do a very good job, because I was eight years old, but I did pass out."

Puck reaches out and puts a hand on Artie's shoulder, as if to comfort him. Artie looks like he appreciates it, but he clearly isn't as broken up about his suicide attempt as Kurt. And Will gets that completely, because Artie had been eight and was still getting used to being stuck in a wheelchair, but Kurt had been a depressed teenager going through hell, and it had been so bad that even with all his friends, he had tried to kill himself **twice**. Will wants to hug him and tell him that everything will be okay, but he doesn't, because he thinks that Kurt has gotten over it all enough hat by now, he's not thinking about suicide at all, so he doesn't need to be told that everything will be okay. He already knows it.

And Will leaves the hugging to Blaine, because after all, it's his boyfriend.

 

For the rest of the week, the assignment in glee club is to perform a song that talks about making a person feel better, steering them away from suicide. Something that could cheer up a suicidal person, something that could make them rethink taking such a drastic measure.

Finn and Puck are the first who are ready to perform, and they do _Save You_ by Simple Plan, and they seem to direct it to Kurt and Artie, respectively. Afterwards, Kurt untangles himself from Blaine and gets up to give Finn a hug, mumbling something in his ear that makes Finn smile, while Puck reaches down to give Artie an awkward angled hug.

Next up is Rory, singing _She Falls Asleep_ by McFly. Despite the fact that it's about a girl, he keeps looking at Sam while he sings, and they all get what that means. While Finn and Puck sang about saving someone (from cancer, it turns out, is the original meaning of the song, but it works just fine the way they used it), Rory sings about someone actually committing suicide, and Rory doesn't want Sam to do that. None of them do, so they all alternate between watching Rory and Sam. Will surveys them all, and he can't help but notice that Finn looks at Kurt every now and again for the duration of the song.

Artie, Sam, and Kurt get together for an almost heartbreaking performance of Papa Roach's _Scar_. They all three make it obvious after the song that they're doing fine, they're great, and none of them have thought about suicide in a long time.

The only other person who sings for the club before the assembly is, unsurprisingly, Rachel, who sings _I'm Still Breathing_ by Katy Perry. The song is full of her emotions, and it becomes obvious that she was shocked and upset by Kurt's two suicide attempts, just like Finn was. She lets out via the song that she's sad that so many of her friends have thought about suicide, and that Kurt and Artie both tried it.

Will is a little surprised that Blaine doesn't do a number for Kurt, but he accidentally overhears them in the hall one day, and hears Blaine singing a few bars of Pink's _Perfect_ to Kurt, and remembers them saying that they like to sing the song to each other in the car, so Will figures that Blaine probably serenaded Kurt in private.

They do two numbers at the assembly. None of the previously suicidal members of glee were willing to give a speech of any kind, so Figgins gets two professors, a psychiatrist, and an ER doctor to come talk about teenage suicide. In between the two professors and the psychiatrist and ER doctor, the glee club perform a number, and it's unlike any number they have ever performed for a crowd. They try to keep things upbeat and modern during assemblies, to avoid getting things thrown at them, and the ballads they do at competitions are very much unlike the ballad they do at this assembly.

Finn is the one who suggests it. He plays it to Will once, and Will is hooked immediately. It sends out exactly the right message. His only concern is that it's a little too serious, and that people won't pay attention. But, surprisingly, Santana comes with a solution to that by suggesting a happier song that they can sing at the end.

Their first number is Linkin Park's _The Messenger_. Will makes sure that each member of the club have a line they can sing, and they all do the chorus together. They sit in a straight line on high stools at the front of the stage and sing. They don't dance, they don't move around, they just sit and sing. And nobody in the audience makes a noise. No student, no teacher, and they don't leave or throw anything either. After the club has finished the song, the rest of the school break out in applause. All glee club members take their stool with them and head backstage, where they get ready for the next song while the psychiatrist and the ER doctor take the floor.

For their next number, they actually dance. Once the doctor and the psychiatrist have finished their presentation, the glee club step onto the stage again, and Mike, Tina, Mercedes, and Santana lead them through _I'll Be There For You_ by The Rembrandts. As four of the nine that never thought about suicide, and as some of the ones who don't get showcased very often (Tina and Mike, especially, because after the whole Troubletones debacle, Mercedes and Santana have demanded to be more at the front), they're perfect for singing this song. The audience may not realize it, but it most definitely directed at the six that did consider suicide. Puck, Quinn, Sam, Blaine, Artie, and Kurt. It's a song to them.

Once they've finished, and have gotten another round of loud applause, this time paired with shouts and cheers, Figgins takes to the stage again.

"I just got a call from Juliana Barnes' parents," he says. "She has woken up from her coma. She's not completely out of the woods yet, but she's awake, and the doctors are optimistic that she'll make a full recovery in time. It'll be a while before she returns to school, because she needs to take things slowly, which means that you've all got time to get your act together and make her feel more welcome here at McKinley. I will not have her trying this again."

Will looks over at his glee club. They all have their arms around each other, not just their significant other.

"And we won't have Artie and Kurt trying that again, so you'll be under our watch now," Mercedes says with a wide smile, but her eyes make it clear that she's actually serious.

"And the rest of you won't ever be trying that sort of thing," Santana says sternly, eyeing Sam, Puck, Blaine, and Quinn. Then they're all talking at the same time, and eventually, Finn, Puck, and Sam just sort of haul everyone into a giant group hug. And as Will watches him, he thinks that yeah, some of them had thought about killing themselves. Some of them had thought about committing suicide, and two had actually tried it, but now, there's no reason to worry. Not anymore.

Because everyone's there for each other. They won't let it happen again. To anyone.


End file.
